Winter Solstice Gets the Shaft

The shortest day of the year gets the shaft today.  Doomsday 12.21.12 has obviously not happened.  Great, now I really do have to pay for that Kindle Fire I just purchased for my son.

For those of us who do not really get that overwhelming xmas 'feeling', I guess this must be our day.  Starting tomorrow the days will get longer...   wait... who the hell wants longer days? 

Either way, I hope everyone has a beautiful, enchanting, winter solstice celebration by doing whatever it is one does to celebrate.  Perhaps you can make this recipe and enjoy an evening getting smashed on some wassail.  Start anytime.  It's 5 o'clock somewhere. 

Solstice Wassail

INGREDIENTS
 

2 pints and 1/4 cup brown ale or winter ale
 

3 or 4 cinnamon sticks
 

4 cloves
 

Zest from half a lemon
 

4 apples
 

1 1/2 cups brown sugar
 

1 cup port
 

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
 

1/4 teaspoon ground all spice
 

1/4 teaspoon ground cardamom
 

1/2 teaspoon ground ginger

Brandy until you get drunk (optional, but I don't see why you wouldn't)

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DIRECTIONS

Preheat oven to 350° F.

In a large saucepan, pour in two pints of ale. Add the cinnamon sticks, lemon zest and cloves and bring to a simmer over low heat.

Score apples around their circumferences with a knife. Place in a baking dish. Cover with 1 cup brown sugar, 1/4 cup of ale and all of the port. Cover baking dish and place in oven, cooking for 30 minutes.

While apples are baking, place remaining sugar and spices into the saucepan, ensuring it’s well mixed.

When apples are done baking, place entire contents of baking dish into saucepan. Allow to cook over a low heat for another 30–40 minutes.

Adding Brandy is always a holiday spirit "lifter" (umm, yeah.)

Serve hot in 6-8 mugs.  

Drink until you don't care about the long day of a hangover you will have tomorrow.

 

Seasons of Joy(lessness)

This is a season of joylessness.  I just love seasons of joy because anyone that knows me knows how much I love being joyful and seasons that involve that.  I thought that I would come up with the top 9 things that bring me joy because 8 wouldn't be enough.

There's so much joy below, I couldn't possibly go in any particular order...

9)  Rudolph Car Decorations
I don't even have the words to describe what I thought when I saw this for the first time.  The joy I felt just exuded from my insides.  Speechless really.  I had to post a picture for full effect. 

8)  Bell Ringers in Front of the Grocery Store Blocking all Entrances Behind the Scented Pine Cones 
It brings me great joy that not only am I on my way to spend ridiculous amounts of money on groceries to feed my son who eats everything in sight leaving me no leftovers EVER, but I have to fight my way through the Bell Ringers who block both entrances and then merrily say 'Merry Christmas'.  They are always so joyful which makes me feel joyful.  I never feel guilty or awkward walking past them not dropping in change or bills I am not carrying on me.

7)  Accidentally Being in the Wrong Lane in Front of the Mall
This brings me so much joy because I prefer to miss my turn, having to go out of my way at least a mile which only takes about 20 minutes and then come back in front of the mall when I didn't actually mean to be there in the first place.  This is like a little adventure, a small road trip or what I like to call the "scenic route".  Good times!

6)  Kids and Their Ever-Changing Minds
I love the joy of having just spent $199 on a Kindle Fire after you asked your son 292837293874239487 times what he wants for xmas and replies, "I don't know" 292837293874239487 back only to say "Hey, I just thought of something I wanted!"... Oh the joy I got in saying, "Too bad, sucka.  I already got your present." 

5)  Hummers, Singers and Whistlers
There is so much joy in shopping and listening to hummers, singers and whistlers in the same aisle as me.  I love it.  You can't imagine what I'm thinking inside when someone next to me by the sour cream is singing "Do You Hear What I Hear???"

4)  My Drunk Brother and His Girlfriend Who Hates Me
It will bring me joy on xmas day when... wait.........

3)  Hallmark Xmas Movies
These movies are nothing but pure joy.  None of them are the same storyline.  They all have exceptional actors.  They are on 24/7 which is great because you can watch them at any time during the day or night.  The plots are so fascinating and original and...the best of all???  They NEVER repeat the same one twice, especially right in a row.

2)  Colorized Version of "It's a Wonderful Life"
I just love how real it looks.  Instant joy. It doesn't take away from the film at all.  I wasn't too thrilled the other day when I went to go buy a copy of it and found that it included the original black and white version, too.  I'm not sure why they did that.  I'll probably just toss that one out.  They didn't just have a colored version to purchase.  I *HAD* to buy it as a set... for $24!  I think selling it with the black and white version is just a ploy.

1)  Home Shopping Network
Actually, this one does bring me a shit-ton of joy... for real.  No lines, no parking of cars, no people... It's the only way I shop.  I thought I better throw a real joy in the list.  I'm really not as grouchy as I sound.  I'm much, much worse.  ;O

My Clusterf#uck of a Tree

All year long my children and I said we weren't going to go through the hassle of putting up the xmas tree.  In fact, we were all in agreement that we weren't even going to celebrate xmas.  Our thinking was that if we wanted to buy gifts for one another, we would just go out and buy them whenever and waiting until xmas was a moot point since we are all self-proclaimed heathens.  *gasp, i know...*

Well then Thanksgiving came and went and I started thinking of my dear Grandmother who died at the age of 93 in 2005.  Prior to that she made each of her grandchildren a handmade ornament every year and then continued the tradition with all her great-grandchildren.  I thought it would be a shame to leave them in a box and not honour her memory AND I wasn't so sure that my son was really for the "no present" deal.  I was all for it, but putting myself in his shoes, I don't think I would have let my parents get away with that shit.

So, we decided to put the tree up. What a nightmare.  My mother who is always so generous gave me her "prelit" xmas tree a few years back when I got in a fight with my old one. I was trying to take it apart and it wasn't working, so I angrily dragged it through the snow to the curb and threw it in with the trash.  (That is another clusterf#uck I should write about sometime...)  So, back to this prelit bitch.  Whoever thought prelit trees were a good idea is a complete moron.

We get it set up and plug it in only to see that half of the lights were working. Oh joy!  I just remembered why I  love xmas so much.  Do you think the light outage could have been located in one central area?  No, that would be entirely too easy.  It was out in different sections. Although, I suppose it is at least in a pattern of working, not working, working, not working, and working... and I guess that should make me feel better.

At this point, I am now running around the house trying to figure this out because the last thing I want to do is go to the store and get more lights.  I didn't want to put this MF'er up in the first place. Ah... I find a string of 'candy corn' lights from Halloween!  Bingo. And on the tree they go.  I found a string of purple lights I had.  Yep, those go on it, too.  We're getting somewhere.  Scratch that.  No, we aren't.  When I stepped back after this entire fiasco, it is just one big CLUSTERF#UCK!  You can't even tell I added lights to it to try and hide the clusterf#cked parts.  Looks like this one will be dragged out to the trash, too, lights and all.  Two weeks and it's gone.

  I'm not sure I can even call this a Charlie Brown xmas tree... It's just even more sad than that.

And yes, I'm sure I could go to the store and buy some more lights and add them in, but I really just don't even care at this point.  How sad is that?