My Clusterf#uck of a Tree

All year long my children and I said we weren't going to go through the hassle of putting up the xmas tree.  In fact, we were all in agreement that we weren't even going to celebrate xmas.  Our thinking was that if we wanted to buy gifts for one another, we would just go out and buy them whenever and waiting until xmas was a moot point since we are all self-proclaimed heathens.  *gasp, i know...*

Well then Thanksgiving came and went and I started thinking of my dear Grandmother who died at the age of 93 in 2005.  Prior to that she made each of her grandchildren a handmade ornament every year and then continued the tradition with all her great-grandchildren.  I thought it would be a shame to leave them in a box and not honour her memory AND I wasn't so sure that my son was really for the "no present" deal.  I was all for it, but putting myself in his shoes, I don't think I would have let my parents get away with that shit.

So, we decided to put the tree up. What a nightmare.  My mother who is always so generous gave me her "prelit" xmas tree a few years back when I got in a fight with my old one. I was trying to take it apart and it wasn't working, so I angrily dragged it through the snow to the curb and threw it in with the trash.  (That is another clusterf#uck I should write about sometime...)  So, back to this prelit bitch.  Whoever thought prelit trees were a good idea is a complete moron.

We get it set up and plug it in only to see that half of the lights were working. Oh joy!  I just remembered why I  love xmas so much.  Do you think the light outage could have been located in one central area?  No, that would be entirely too easy.  It was out in different sections. Although, I suppose it is at least in a pattern of working, not working, working, not working, and working... and I guess that should make me feel better.

At this point, I am now running around the house trying to figure this out because the last thing I want to do is go to the store and get more lights.  I didn't want to put this MF'er up in the first place. Ah... I find a string of 'candy corn' lights from Halloween!  Bingo. And on the tree they go.  I found a string of purple lights I had.  Yep, those go on it, too.  We're getting somewhere.  Scratch that.  No, we aren't.  When I stepped back after this entire fiasco, it is just one big CLUSTERF#UCK!  You can't even tell I added lights to it to try and hide the clusterf#cked parts.  Looks like this one will be dragged out to the trash, too, lights and all.  Two weeks and it's gone.

  I'm not sure I can even call this a Charlie Brown xmas tree... It's just even more sad than that.

And yes, I'm sure I could go to the store and buy some more lights and add them in, but I really just don't even care at this point.  How sad is that?

Insomnia - I Hate You

It's after 3AM.  I've been trying to sleep for over three hours now.  I'm exhausted yet wide awake.  There is no point to this blog post at all, so do not expect any greatness or wisdom about insomnia to emerge from it because you will not find that here.  Not being able to sleep has been one of my worst enemies for years.  It's a son of a bitch.  It's a mother effin' nightmare without being asleep.  Ironic, isn't it?  The worst part is that I have a headache that won't go away.  That means I can't even do anything productive while I'm not sleeping.  Writing this is painful.  You reading it probably is as well.

Damn it. I even took my prescribed sleeping pill which apparently is a joke, so I'm not sure why I even bother half the time.  

Who am I talking to?  The clock?  My water bottle?  The man on TV trying to sell me a used car?  I didn't even know they had infomercials for used cars?! "U.S. Auto Credit"  Now that sounds completely legit!  ChooseMyPayment.com? Yeah, I'm thinking I'll pass on that one.  I think I'll choose NOT SO MUCH.

The Gawds of Sleep - Why have you forsaken me?   Aww, f-bomb. 

Although this is not me in the image above, the resemblance at the moment is uncanny.

 

MRI On My Brain

I just returned from getting an MRI on my brain.  I'm thinking they probably won't find anything (♫ If I only had a brain ♪) and of course that would be a good thing and no surprise since I just recently found out that my son in 8th grade is doing the same Algebra problems I am doing in my college Algebra class.  "Oh hey mom, that's exactly what WE did today!"... "Oh great son!!!  Can you do my homework for me then???"  Now I feel even more stupid than I did before when I couldn't find the value of  'x' when we were actually supposed to be finding the value of 'y'.  Mother F#...ER!  I would roll my eyes right now, but I can't.  It hurts too much.  This is part of the reason for my getting the MRI in the first place.

The MRI is quite a weird procedure to have done.  Lots of knocking sounds and beeps and your head is squished between foam and enclosed in a device.  I felt like Hannibal Lecter, except that I was lying flat and not being wheeled around on a dolly.  (Well, I wasn't really strapped in either.  That might have been weird... for me and the nurse.)

During the 40 minute procedure, I was trying to act cool and pretending I wasn't claustrophobic, which only made me incredibly claustrophobic.  I was trying to NOT concentrate on the itch on my nose which made me want to scratch my nose with all the fury in the world.  The mind is a bitch.  They finally sent me home with the films that I need to take to my doctor next week after she gets the results.

So what do you think I did when I got home? Would you believe that I put those films up to the kitchen light as if I have any clue what they mean... as if I am going to find the tumour, or aneurysm , or whatever the hell is wrong in my brain right in the middle of my kitchen!?   Perhaps there was going to be an arrow pointing directly to the spot saying 'HERE IT IS' right on the films for me to see.  I knew I was wasting my time going back to school.  I have obviously already mastered radiology on my own.  What a tool I am.

I will have to update with the REAL results later next week.  Until then, I'll just see if I have already mastered something else like Psychology and then I can find out why I am such an idiot OR I will just continue with my severe anxiety and worry myself to death before I even get to find out the results.  Either way, it's a lose/lose situation.   That's me!  Always looking on the bright side of life...