Game On, Trunk-Dwellers!

Oh yes, game on!  Apparently complaining to my apartment complex about noisy neighbors for two years does nothing.  Perhaps management is too afraid to say anything because what lives above me are actually two elephants who smoke bongs with a screaming baby.  Well, I'm not certain the baby smokes the bong, but I think it should because then it might stop screaming.

I am not really anti-smoking of bongs.  In fact, I encourage it.  Smoke all the bongs you want.  Smoke two at once, if you can.  More power to you.  What I am against is coughing, laughing, pounding, running, screaming, banging and a plethora of other loud, obnoxious noises 24/7.

I am getting old and in my old(er) age, I would really enjoy peace and quiet at this point in my life.  Why is this so hard to achieve?  My thought is that it is time to play the game.  I have been plotting their demise for 2 years now.  Okay, demise might be a little bit harsh, at least too harsh to write on a blog as that would be proof to such a thing.  Me and the elephants have already had several screaming matches and apparently I'm a f#ucking b!tich.  Well, duh... here's a news flash - this isn't a news flash!

I know for a fact they are college students, so we definitely are NOT of the same generation anything and I'm pretty sure that I could be really annoying by playing some of the CDs I have in my collection the next time things start going down. (The fact that I just said I have 'CDs in my collection' is probably proof enough that we are not.... never mind)

Oh, did I mention that the walls are paper thin?  Yes, so thin that I can actually hear their conversations even at a normal tone.  This is quite a lovely notion because that means they can hear mine.  I do hope they like it when I am having perimenopausal rage and discussing my yearly mammogram results with my doctor... but I digress.  So... this leaves me to the only question of WHICH of my CDs at a very high decibel would make them vomit the most?  Here are the top choices I've come up with:

1.  Danzig - Danzig

2.  The Eagles Greatest Hits

3.  Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes

4.  Duran Duran - Decade

5.  Disco Fever - Greatest Hits

Or maybe I should just put them all in on shuffle and go shopping for the afternoon...........

   

Top 10 Songs I'm Ashamed to Love

I was reading one of my newfound blogs the other day, Adventures in Estrogen, and there was a post written called "Top 10 Movies I'm Ashamed to Love".  I was going to do a version of my own list, but I was in the mood for music tonight, so I decided to go with a list of Top 10 Songs instead.  I’m starting with the least shameful to most shameful.  I think.  I guess you can tell me after you read through them.  Here goes:

10.  I Was Made For Dancin' – Leif Garrett
Mr. Garrett sang “Give In” on an episode of CHiPs.  My 9-year-old heart, soul and body were his forever after that (don’t judge me!), but "I Was Made For Dancin'" was my favourite song he sang.  You will also be happy to learn that this is the only disco song I’m going to put in my top 10 because in all seriousness, I could easily come up with a top 10 disco list and I don’t think anyone wants that.

  Surely anyone can see why I instantly fell in love with Leif that night in 1979.

9.  I Want It That Way – The Backstreet Boys
There may be some who could argue that this is indeed a great song.  The problem occurs when you come to realize that I was in my late (really late) 20s when it was released and regularly cranked it driving in my minivan.

8.  Funky Cold Medina – Tone Loc
“I don’t fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener.  You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina."   I mean it was a big old mess when Sheena got undressed.  It’s kind of funny it got that far and I love the cowbell in that song, plus there’s dog humping.

7.  Merry Christmas Darling – The Carpenters
Sentimental value.  Shut your pie holes.

6.  Ice Ice Baby – Vanilla Ice
I have no explanation.  I actually went to his concert in 1990 with my friend (we were 20 at the time) and we felt like two jackasses when we realized everyone there were either 12 or that 12-year-old’s parent.  HAWT!

5.  Leave (Get Out) – Jojo
Good workout song?  That’s all I’ve got.  I feel so creepy liking this one.  Really. 

4.  How You Remind Me – Nickelback
In my defense, it was their first hit.  I had no idea ALL their other songs were going to sound exactly the same.  I still like it though.  

3.  Karma Chameleon – Culture Club
It’s catchy and odd and I can’t stop staring at Boy George.

2.  Lovin’ You – Minnie Riperton
There was a visa commercial a few years ago that destroyed this song for me because I loved it long before that, but it’s embarrassing and no one will ever put up with me listening to this song in the car, so I'm on my own with this one.  How the f#uck does she hit that high note?  It leaves me stupefied.  

 This is a different commercial, but same song / same idea.  It's a crime!

1.  My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion
This pains me to write this as my number one (or at all).  If anyone knows me, they will know how embarrassing this is, but this song grabs my heartstrings and runs with them.  I cry every time I hear it.  I just try not to listen to it if I can help it.  I loathe Celine Dion.  LOATHE HER!  But… she sure can sing the hell out of this song.  That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Insomnia - I Hate You

It's after 3AM.  I've been trying to sleep for over three hours now.  I'm exhausted yet wide awake.  There is no point to this blog post at all, so do not expect any greatness or wisdom about insomnia to emerge from it because you will not find that here.  Not being able to sleep has been one of my worst enemies for years.  It's a son of a bitch.  It's a mother effin' nightmare without being asleep.  Ironic, isn't it?  The worst part is that I have a headache that won't go away.  That means I can't even do anything productive while I'm not sleeping.  Writing this is painful.  You reading it probably is as well.

Damn it. I even took my prescribed sleeping pill which apparently is a joke, so I'm not sure why I even bother half the time.  

Who am I talking to?  The clock?  My water bottle?  The man on TV trying to sell me a used car?  I didn't even know they had infomercials for used cars?! "U.S. Auto Credit"  Now that sounds completely legit!  ChooseMyPayment.com? Yeah, I'm thinking I'll pass on that one.  I think I'll choose NOT SO MUCH.

The Gawds of Sleep - Why have you forsaken me?   Aww, f-bomb. 

Although this is not me in the image above, the resemblance at the moment is uncanny.