Let's Take Christ Out of Christmas

I'm a grinch.  I'm a scrooge.  And here's why.  I say we take the Christ out of Christmas once and for all.  I love watching (c)hristians begin to profusely sweat because heathens are suing cities for having nativity scenes in public places.  One of my other favourites is watching them try to protest stores that say "happy holidays" instead of "merry christmas".  I don't see why it matters.  Holidays/Christmas are neither happy nor merry.

I read a story from 'black friday 2012' where two people were shot in Tallahassee, Florida.  The gist was as follows: "two couples were arguing and one of the men stared firing, before fleeing the scene in his car."  I think I have made my point.  The 'Christ in Christmas' has been taken out a long time ago.  I believe someone was shot last year as well.  This wasn't an isolated incident. Crazy Americans and their guns or is it simply crazy Americans and Christmas or is it just crazy Americans?  These are questions I ponder on a regular basis, but I digress.

Anyway, I will take back EVERYTHING I just said if someone buys me the tree below.  I will even put a nativity scene under it if you can find me a purple Jesus to go with it! Gawd do I love purple and I would even consider keeping this up all year long.

Oh and feel free to purchase anything from The Purple Store for me to celebrate winter solstice 2012 since I don't celebrate "_mas".  It so happens that winter solstice is also doomsday (again), which means you won't have to pay the bill anyway!

Also, I'd like to go out with a 'bang' if you know what I mean and what better way than with a pair of Purple Go-Go Boots.

Random Acts of Cruelness and Happy Thanksgiving

I have no doubt in my mind that there are people that get their rocks off by running around sprinkling their little random acts of kindness in the world.  Yay for them. *disturbing eye roll*  I don't have rocks to get off, so I don't comprehend sprinkling much of anything.  Well, that's not exactly true. (I mean it's true that I don't have any rocks, but not true that I ....)  I do have a kind side at times is what I'm saying.  It highly depends on how much wine I've had.

I remember when I was working my office job many years ago and came back from lunch one day to find a Hersey's Kiss on my desk with a note that read "Just a Random Act of Kindness - Enjoy Your Day".  I was young then... and not so jaded. I remember thinking how nice that was and I probably actually ended up enjoying my day.  How silly is that?

I'm pretty sure if that happened now, my first thought would be who poisoned the chocolate, how did they do it, and why?  Then I would proceed to throw it in the trash.  That's what 20 years of Random Acts of Cruelness will do to a person.  I've seen this played out the most at the grocery store.  I think it's because I've shopped hella times at one over the years.  It's a nightmare every single instance no matter the day, the hour, or my reason for being there.  Everyone at the grocery store is an evil bastard.  The main thing I've learned is that no one gives a f#ck when acquiring groceries.  (yes, myself included) 

So what is my point?  The point is - I am thrilled that for the next three days, I do not have to step foot into a grocery store. My sister and her family are in town for the holiday and staying at my mother's.  My mother LOVES grocery shopping AND she buys Hershey Kisses which I do not believe to be poisoned.  (errrr... I might be skipping those just in case...)  Oh and I also won't have to inhale any tainted pine cones.  Double score!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

This is my mother's "pineapple turkey" centerpiece she's so incredibly proud of.  Good gawd, seriously mom?  If it wasn't for her mad cooking skillz, I don't know if I could handle the next three days.

This shit is so not cool...

Dude, What's My Car?

I was told it this was a "senior moment".  I was told it happens to all of us.  I was given a "hehe" when I told this story to someone very close to me.  I don't see how this can be a senior moment when I am still 20(+/-) years away from LEGALLY being a senior, but I will continue with my senior moment story anyway.

I just got a new (used) car and wanted to make a copy of the key as I only have one and also because my daughter uses it quite frequently (as you know she sucks me dry in every area of my life, so I might as well just make her a copy of my car key too).  And when I say I just got a car, I mean a month ago.  Yes, it was the middle of October for sure.

I am standing there with my car key and give it to the kid behind the counter and he asks me what kind of car it is so he can find the right blank to make the copy.  Do you think I have any clue what my car is?  Nope.  Not one.  Couldn't remember what kind of car I owned.  I said, "Oh my, I forgot what kind of car I have.  I just bought it." (Lie)...  He sort of laughed (at me)?  I said again, "Oh my gosh.. I know it's a 2001!!!"  He sort of laughed again (at me this time for sure)!   He said to my son, "Hey buddy, why don't you do me a favour and run outside and check to see what kind of car your mom has!"  Oh my gawd!  How embarrassing.  I snapped at him, "NO!  I will remember!  Hold on a second!"  Still nothing is coming to mind.  I am frantically looking around the store trying to remember, looking for a clue as to what the hell kind of car I own.  All that is coming to mind is my old car. Dude, what's my car?????? I can feel the blood rushing to my face as we are all just standing there waiting for an answer to this very simple question.  I turn and ask my son (who couldn't possibly have any less interest in cars if he tried), "Do you know what kind of car it is?" ”Nope", he says.  Great...   Okay, okay, I know it's black.  I know it's a 2001....  This can't be that difficult....

Everything was going in slow motion.  I wanted to run out of the store.

AHHHHHHHHH!  WAIT!

CHEVY CAVALIER!!!!!!!!!!

Whew.

Yes, this really happened.  Senior moment? You tell me.

If Adults Acted Like Kids

It's been a very long time since I've had small children to raise.  I've already got one out of the house and the other one will be in high school next year.  Four more years and I'll be good to finally make my move to Canada.  My son keeps asking me why I want to move there.  "Hockey Night In Canada... Why Else?"  All he says is, "Oh Mom..."  I don't think he realizes how serious I truly am.

Anyway... back to the topic. I am thoroughly enjoying watching my younger sister raise my two nieces who are nearing the ages of two and four.  Yesterday while I was on the phone with her, I had to cut the conversation short and jokingly she said "That's okay, no one has time for us..."   She said it loud enough that her 4-year-old heard her.  I said, "Don't say that in front of her.  You're a bad mother!"   She replied, "Did you just say that I'm a bad Mother?"  She then asked her daughter, "Am I a good Mama or a bad Mama?" which her daughter then responded, without hesitation, "BAAAD!" 

Oh, how funny that was.

This made me think of other times I've been on the phone and heard things come out of my sister's mouth like "Stop licking the TV" or "Why did you just hit your sister on the head with the remote?".   My sister and I always laugh and say how we never thought in a million years such phrases would ever come out of our mouths.

This leads me to the title of this post.  What if Adults just acted like kids - spoke their minds without filter, randomly put things in their mouths, licked TVs for no apparent reason, threw temper tantrums, said nonsense words, ran around in circles, fell to the floor laughing, smacked someone on the head just because, grabbed someone's sandwich at a restaurant and ate it or just throw the food on the floor.  The possibilities are endless.

I may sound crazy, but I'd actually like to see this happen, just for a day.  Imagine this at a sporting event (of course, this might not be far off from football fans), in church, at the mall, and I think my favourite would have to be at the grocery store.  I think you'd understand if you've ever had to shop with children at a grocery store.  And there, my friends, is the working mind of Rebeka.  I think it's time for my medicine.