I'm Going to be Late. I Robbed Myself.

I was thinking back to my earlier years in life when I wasn't very responsible and didn't really know the meaning of "work ethics".  I was working at a 7-Eleven in a relatively bad neighborhood and going to work was not really my top priority for two main reasons.  The first reason is that I was 19-years-old and I partied pretty much every night. Getting up to make it to work by 11AM was a joke.  The second reason is that because I lived in a realllly bad neighborhood and had no vehicle at the time, going to work was a gamble.  I had a 50/50 chance of making it there alive. 

I remember one morning I had a killer hangover.  That day, I had to be at work at 7AM and not my normal start time of 11AM.   I had already used every excuse imaginable to call off in the past.  I only needed more sleep that day... just a few hours and I'd be okay.  I knew that I couldn't call off the entire shift because I had just called off a week before. (Gawd, I was a terrible employee!) Looking back, I am surprised that I had not been fired.  I suppose I hadn't because the turn-over rate in employees was pretty much daily.  I guess that if you called off, but still came to work within the next day or two, they were happy.

It's like 6:45... I'm thinking, thinking, thinking... and thinking this early in the morning is very difficult when you have a hangover.  I came up with the perfect story.  I knew it was perfect because no one used it that I knew of since I had been working there.  I WAS ROBBED! (Obviously I was robbed of anymore good excuses, too...)  I lived in a shitty neighborhood and certainly it would be believable.  It totally worked. 

I was only late four hours and got to sleep off my hangover.  I probably could have used it for the whole day.  I think I felt slightly guilty though and probably mulled over karma for a minute or two. My shift manager felt so bad for me.  She even bought my lunch that day when I got to work.  This was a bonus since I had no money to buy food because I was not working from calling off so much. 

 I just wonder if I am the only one who has ever had
 bad no work ethics in their younger days?

My Clusterf#uck of a Tree

All year long my children and I said we weren't going to go through the hassle of putting up the xmas tree.  In fact, we were all in agreement that we weren't even going to celebrate xmas.  Our thinking was that if we wanted to buy gifts for one another, we would just go out and buy them whenever and waiting until xmas was a moot point since we are all self-proclaimed heathens.  *gasp, i know...*

Well then Thanksgiving came and went and I started thinking of my dear Grandmother who died at the age of 93 in 2005.  Prior to that she made each of her grandchildren a handmade ornament every year and then continued the tradition with all her great-grandchildren.  I thought it would be a shame to leave them in a box and not honour her memory AND I wasn't so sure that my son was really for the "no present" deal.  I was all for it, but putting myself in his shoes, I don't think I would have let my parents get away with that shit.

So, we decided to put the tree up. What a nightmare.  My mother who is always so generous gave me her "prelit" xmas tree a few years back when I got in a fight with my old one. I was trying to take it apart and it wasn't working, so I angrily dragged it through the snow to the curb and threw it in with the trash.  (That is another clusterf#uck I should write about sometime...)  So, back to this prelit bitch.  Whoever thought prelit trees were a good idea is a complete moron.

We get it set up and plug it in only to see that half of the lights were working. Oh joy!  I just remembered why I  love xmas so much.  Do you think the light outage could have been located in one central area?  No, that would be entirely too easy.  It was out in different sections. Although, I suppose it is at least in a pattern of working, not working, working, not working, and working... and I guess that should make me feel better.

At this point, I am now running around the house trying to figure this out because the last thing I want to do is go to the store and get more lights.  I didn't want to put this MF'er up in the first place. Ah... I find a string of 'candy corn' lights from Halloween!  Bingo. And on the tree they go.  I found a string of purple lights I had.  Yep, those go on it, too.  We're getting somewhere.  Scratch that.  No, we aren't.  When I stepped back after this entire fiasco, it is just one big CLUSTERF#UCK!  You can't even tell I added lights to it to try and hide the clusterf#cked parts.  Looks like this one will be dragged out to the trash, too, lights and all.  Two weeks and it's gone.

  I'm not sure I can even call this a Charlie Brown xmas tree... It's just even more sad than that.

And yes, I'm sure I could go to the store and buy some more lights and add them in, but I really just don't even care at this point.  How sad is that?

Random Acts of Cruelness and Happy Thanksgiving

I have no doubt in my mind that there are people that get their rocks off by running around sprinkling their little random acts of kindness in the world.  Yay for them. *disturbing eye roll*  I don't have rocks to get off, so I don't comprehend sprinkling much of anything.  Well, that's not exactly true. (I mean it's true that I don't have any rocks, but not true that I ....)  I do have a kind side at times is what I'm saying.  It highly depends on how much wine I've had.

I remember when I was working my office job many years ago and came back from lunch one day to find a Hersey's Kiss on my desk with a note that read "Just a Random Act of Kindness - Enjoy Your Day".  I was young then... and not so jaded. I remember thinking how nice that was and I probably actually ended up enjoying my day.  How silly is that?

I'm pretty sure if that happened now, my first thought would be who poisoned the chocolate, how did they do it, and why?  Then I would proceed to throw it in the trash.  That's what 20 years of Random Acts of Cruelness will do to a person.  I've seen this played out the most at the grocery store.  I think it's because I've shopped hella times at one over the years.  It's a nightmare every single instance no matter the day, the hour, or my reason for being there.  Everyone at the grocery store is an evil bastard.  The main thing I've learned is that no one gives a f#ck when acquiring groceries.  (yes, myself included) 

So what is my point?  The point is - I am thrilled that for the next three days, I do not have to step foot into a grocery store. My sister and her family are in town for the holiday and staying at my mother's.  My mother LOVES grocery shopping AND she buys Hershey Kisses which I do not believe to be poisoned.  (errrr... I might be skipping those just in case...)  Oh and I also won't have to inhale any tainted pine cones.  Double score!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

This is my mother's "pineapple turkey" centerpiece she's so incredibly proud of.  Good gawd, seriously mom?  If it wasn't for her mad cooking skillz, I don't know if I could handle the next three days.

This shit is so not cool...

Dude, What's My Car?

I was told it this was a "senior moment".  I was told it happens to all of us.  I was given a "hehe" when I told this story to someone very close to me.  I don't see how this can be a senior moment when I am still 20(+/-) years away from LEGALLY being a senior, but I will continue with my senior moment story anyway.

I just got a new (used) car and wanted to make a copy of the key as I only have one and also because my daughter uses it quite frequently (as you know she sucks me dry in every area of my life, so I might as well just make her a copy of my car key too).  And when I say I just got a car, I mean a month ago.  Yes, it was the middle of October for sure.

I am standing there with my car key and give it to the kid behind the counter and he asks me what kind of car it is so he can find the right blank to make the copy.  Do you think I have any clue what my car is?  Nope.  Not one.  Couldn't remember what kind of car I owned.  I said, "Oh my, I forgot what kind of car I have.  I just bought it." (Lie)...  He sort of laughed (at me)?  I said again, "Oh my gosh.. I know it's a 2001!!!"  He sort of laughed again (at me this time for sure)!   He said to my son, "Hey buddy, why don't you do me a favour and run outside and check to see what kind of car your mom has!"  Oh my gawd!  How embarrassing.  I snapped at him, "NO!  I will remember!  Hold on a second!"  Still nothing is coming to mind.  I am frantically looking around the store trying to remember, looking for a clue as to what the hell kind of car I own.  All that is coming to mind is my old car. Dude, what's my car?????? I can feel the blood rushing to my face as we are all just standing there waiting for an answer to this very simple question.  I turn and ask my son (who couldn't possibly have any less interest in cars if he tried), "Do you know what kind of car it is?" ”Nope", he says.  Great...   Okay, okay, I know it's black.  I know it's a 2001....  This can't be that difficult....

Everything was going in slow motion.  I wanted to run out of the store.

AHHHHHHHHH!  WAIT!

CHEVY CAVALIER!!!!!!!!!!

Whew.

Yes, this really happened.  Senior moment? You tell me.

Oh Goody For Goodys

My daughter and I have this thing for going to cheapo restaurants to have coffee and catch up with each other.  The original plan is her phoning me and saying "Hey, do you want to go get coffee?"  And then what happens is she talks about her boyfriend who is currently hiking on the AT (That's "Appalachian Trail" for those of you who don't know and the only reason I know is because she has told me 9238792837493847923847 times) and then she'll continue on about how she can't wait to leave her dear ol' mum to go back on it to hike again herself.  However, what usually happens on our little excursions is that some sort of debacle takes place and I end up paying (literally).

We recently discovered a new place called "Goodys" not too far from where we live.  We tried it out and loved it.  We went there the day after Sandy hit and it was nice.  It is a very quiet, clean place and our breakfast came out within 5 minutes of ordering and the coffee was delicious.  Oh, and our waitress was friendly.  BONUS!  That day wasn't too much of a debacle, surprisingly.  In fact that's the day my daughter got a call at the table while we were eating and won her "free vacation", but I'll save THAT debacle for another day.  As far as the service and food went, I think the restaurant gawds were on our side this round.  We had gone to Perkins a week before and after an hour of waiting for our food, I had taken one bite of my omelet and discovered a long, black hair in it. MMmm!   I don't want to discuss that at this moment.  I can feel my gag reflex kicking in and we really don't want that.

The second time we went to Goodys was just a few days later and it was just as good as the first time, but we had an over-zealous of a waitress who apparently smoked a bit too much crack that morning.  Now this might not appear to be very amusing to you as it was to us, but she had a slight obsession about refilling our coffee pretty much after we took one or two sips.  After about 10 refills over a five minute period, we began to wonder how much crack did she smoke that morning??  Are you catching my drift here?  OKAY WE GET IT... YOU LIKE TO GIVE REFILLS  ON COFFEE!  This wasn't a bottomless cup, it was a topless cup of coffee and things were getting creepy fast.  Stop filling my f#ucking cup, lady.  Seriously.  I felt rushed, like I was in a coffee-drinking contest.  Good gawd!  Although, I suppose if this was our biggest debacle of the day, we were doing pretty well.  And yes, I love the word DEBACLE.  Could you tell?

My daughter left for a two week trip, but will be returning in a few days. We've talked on the phone pretty much every day and all we've been talking about is how we want to go to Goodys.  We love Goodys!  We are both pretty laid back and we seem to appreciate our little debacles. Of all the things I get to do, spending time with my daughter is my favourite.  She makes me laugh and we have the best memories.  I can't wait until she gets home so we can go enjoy a topless cup of coffee together.  Something always goes awry when we go out and it's always a blast!