There Once was a Girl Who Loved Xmas

Yeah, so I really hate xmas.  I just find the whole "CELEBRATION" annoying.  I don't celebrate baby jesus' birth because, well, quite frankly, what's the dude every done for me?  And secondly, his star is entirely way too bright.

However, there once was a girl who loved xmas and that girl happened to be ME! The only reason I know this is because I found the proof in a photo.  I'm pretty sure this was the year I received my "Baby Alive" doll, except the 'food' (I'm not exactly sure what the f#ck that was...) got all moldy down in her little tummy and mom and dad had to throw her away a few weeks later and I only knew her to have gone "missing".  No wonder I have issues. 

Interesting FACTOID straight from Wikipedia about little Baby Alive (and when I say interesting, I mean WTF?!):
"it could be fed food packets mixed with water, and came with a bottle, diapers and feeding spoon. The spoon would be inserted into its mouth, and a lever on its back pushed to have it chew the food. The food would move through her and end up in her diaper; this version did not speak, so you had to check the diaper a few moments after feeding. It also produced droppings and threw up regularly."

Does this sound like something you'd want your child to play with?  I mean seriously.  This is just mental illness waiting to happen.

Since this is THROW BACK THURSDAY (and here I thought this meant throw one back, as in a shot of Stolis - which I still might do later), I thought I'd share this adorable picture of cute little moi from December 1972.  Now, everyone look at it and say, "awwww" because this girl now, in 2013, doesn't get this excited for xmas no mo.

"Yay for xmas and Baby Alive - who will grow mold in her stomach and have to 'go missing'!  Thanks Mom!  Thanks Dad!"  

clap, clap, clap.  

My Non-Clusterf#ck Merry-ish Tree

Last year, around this time, I wrote about my CLUSTERF#CK of a Xmas Tree.  Well, after Xmas was over last year, I tossed that sucker in the dumpster.  Yep, and I was happy to do so.   A few weeks after the holiday was over, I received (possibly as a joke... it must have been, yes...) a two-foot pre-lit tree which I put in the closet and left there unopened.

A week ago, I moved into a new house and after packing and preparing for this move over the last two months, there was no way in hell I was going to decorate for a holiday I pretty much despise.  Let's just say I am less than merry most of the year as it is and people wishing me to be merry day after day in the freezing cold doesn't make me want to be any merrier than I already am not. 

However, one of my very good friends in Ottawa sent me a set of six Ottawa Sens ornaments last March (yes, well she is always a bit late with things, but gawd bless her Canadian soul).  Let's see, six ornaments, a two-foot (60.96 cm) pre-lit tree... not much Xmas merry-ness.... how could I NOT put it up? 

This year, I consider my 60.96 cm Xmas tree with my six Ottawa Senators ornaments to be very non-clusterf#ck-like.

Unfortunately, my semi-merry-ish spirit has not really been effective in the sens(e) that The Sens have been playing very non-merrily this season. 

Love me, Love my Sens, Love my Xmas Sens Tree

My Clusterf#uck of a Tree

All year long my children and I said we weren't going to go through the hassle of putting up the xmas tree.  In fact, we were all in agreement that we weren't even going to celebrate xmas.  Our thinking was that if we wanted to buy gifts for one another, we would just go out and buy them whenever and waiting until xmas was a moot point since we are all self-proclaimed heathens.  *gasp, i know...*

Well then Thanksgiving came and went and I started thinking of my dear Grandmother who died at the age of 93 in 2005.  Prior to that she made each of her grandchildren a handmade ornament every year and then continued the tradition with all her great-grandchildren.  I thought it would be a shame to leave them in a box and not honour her memory AND I wasn't so sure that my son was really for the "no present" deal.  I was all for it, but putting myself in his shoes, I don't think I would have let my parents get away with that shit.

So, we decided to put the tree up. What a nightmare.  My mother who is always so generous gave me her "prelit" xmas tree a few years back when I got in a fight with my old one. I was trying to take it apart and it wasn't working, so I angrily dragged it through the snow to the curb and threw it in with the trash.  (That is another clusterf#uck I should write about sometime...)  So, back to this prelit bitch.  Whoever thought prelit trees were a good idea is a complete moron.

We get it set up and plug it in only to see that half of the lights were working. Oh joy!  I just remembered why I  love xmas so much.  Do you think the light outage could have been located in one central area?  No, that would be entirely too easy.  It was out in different sections. Although, I suppose it is at least in a pattern of working, not working, working, not working, and working... and I guess that should make me feel better.

At this point, I am now running around the house trying to figure this out because the last thing I want to do is go to the store and get more lights.  I didn't want to put this MF'er up in the first place. Ah... I find a string of 'candy corn' lights from Halloween!  Bingo. And on the tree they go.  I found a string of purple lights I had.  Yep, those go on it, too.  We're getting somewhere.  Scratch that.  No, we aren't.  When I stepped back after this entire fiasco, it is just one big CLUSTERF#UCK!  You can't even tell I added lights to it to try and hide the clusterf#cked parts.  Looks like this one will be dragged out to the trash, too, lights and all.  Two weeks and it's gone.

  I'm not sure I can even call this a Charlie Brown xmas tree... It's just even more sad than that.

And yes, I'm sure I could go to the store and buy some more lights and add them in, but I really just don't even care at this point.  How sad is that?