Tuesday, March 12, 2013

It is Difficult Being so Perfect

I am perfect. I am the first to admit it.  It was a difficult process in my life to come to terms with this, but I believe I have finally conquered the little bastard.  It is a rough road  being as perfect as I am.   I do not believe others understand this very well.   I never have 'bad days'.  What are those anyway?  I hear people complain about such things and I merely just frolic in fields of daisies as my perfectly, wonderful, ever-so-happy life progresses.  Do you realise how it is to constantly be in a state of complete happiness ALL of the time?

I never lash out at others.  If I did this, I would not be the perfect person that I am.  And that, my friends, would just be confounded silliness.  I have also NEVER, EVER said stupid things.  This would put a black mark on my perfection.  Again, something a perfect person would never have.

Some might ask if I have ever made a mistake.  Mistakes?  There are no mistakes.  What I have learned from the only other perfect person I know is that when called out on doing something wrong (as if...), one must simply deny, deny, deny.  It's easy.

For example: 

You:  Hey, did you steal my new Garnet Rogers CD?

Me:  No way.

You:  Yes, you did.  I saw you.

Me:  I did not! 

You:  I have video, so you are wrong, brat face!

Me:  I'm NEVER wrong!

You:  The video clearly shows you putting ~MY~ GARNET ROGERS CD in your pocket and running away.

Me:  Don't know what you're talking about.  It was obviously a set-up...

And that's pretty much all there is to it... deny, deny, deny.   Pretty soon everyone will believe that you are NEVER wrong - myself included.

As you can tell, perfection is very difficult for me.  I only wish others could emulate my perfection and have this incredible sense of self-worth and absolute freedom that comes with this state of excellence.

This is not something that can just happen over night.  Perfection takes a long time.  Okay, actually, in my case, it did not really take that long at all.  For me, it was just a few short weeks (after I was born), but for most it will take a long time.  Once you reach it - ahhh, pure bliss. 

Please feel free to submit any questions about my snow-white purity below.  I will surely be able to give you a most perfect answer.


  1. if you're so perfect, what does that make me, the pope? perfection is in the eye of the chalice holder.

    i see white smoke, gotta go.

    1. You didn't even fight for the Garnet Rogers CD. SHAME!

    2. well, now that i'm not in the vatican, gimme back my garnet!

  2. Yeah, I hear you.
    I just hate it when someone says to me "oh well then, it must be so nice to just be soo perfect!"

    yes, yes it is. thank you for noticing :)


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