Here's a Good Idea - Pour Milk Over Your Head

I posted awhile back a video of a mom and son doing The Cinnamon Challenge which did have its semi-funny results.  After reading the book Choke by Chuck Palahniuk, I have a different perspective of people choking now, so I lean more to being open about 'the cinnamon challenge' being funny instead of stupid.  No doubt it was highly stupid, but funny if I am in the right mood for stupidity.

There was also "Planking" for the severely bored (board?). I didn't really get that one.  I guess the ones that were a bit more daredevilish were sort of interesting, but mostly I found the images to be rather mundane.  I guess some skill is involved.  I think I'd actually be pretty good at it because I played "Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board" all the time at slumber parties.

I guess when planking become boring, they upped the ante to "Batmanning".  I will assume this is obvious as to what it means, but if not, here is a picture.  In my opinion, this was straight up stolen from The Lost Boys.  I call ULTRA-BULLSHIT.

Then when batmanning wasn't enough, "Owling" came along in its place.  Seriously?   Well, you already know my feelings about owls at the present time.  

But, I think things have progressed (regressed...) to a new low.  At least in the previous ones, they were somewhat entertaining and I only say that because some of them had interesting scenery.  However, this new one is just f#cking dumb.  It's called "Milking".  If you're not sure what this one is, don't worry it doesn't have anything to do with cows.  This is how it works:

1.  Stand in front of a camera and dump a carton of milk over your head.

2. Wait for internet fame.

I have to admit that I am truly grateful this was not started by Americans.  It was started in Britain by some students protesting tuition hikes.  (Makes perfect sense to me!)  Americans are already dumb enough so we don't need any further publicity on that end of the spectrum.  Besides that, if we fall over this cliff they're talking about, gallons of milk are going to be anywhere from $6 to $9 come the middle of January.  I don't have that kind of money to become famous.

I'm Going to be Late. I Robbed Myself.

I was thinking back to my earlier years in life when I wasn't very responsible and didn't really know the meaning of "work ethics".  I was working at a 7-Eleven in a relatively bad neighborhood and going to work was not really my top priority for two main reasons.  The first reason is that I was 19-years-old and I partied pretty much every night. Getting up to make it to work by 11AM was a joke.  The second reason is that because I lived in a realllly bad neighborhood and had no vehicle at the time, going to work was a gamble.  I had a 50/50 chance of making it there alive. 

I remember one morning I had a killer hangover.  That day, I had to be at work at 7AM and not my normal start time of 11AM.   I had already used every excuse imaginable to call off in the past.  I only needed more sleep that day... just a few hours and I'd be okay.  I knew that I couldn't call off the entire shift because I had just called off a week before. (Gawd, I was a terrible employee!) Looking back, I am surprised that I had not been fired.  I suppose I hadn't because the turn-over rate in employees was pretty much daily.  I guess that if you called off, but still came to work within the next day or two, they were happy.

It's like 6:45... I'm thinking, thinking, thinking... and thinking this early in the morning is very difficult when you have a hangover.  I came up with the perfect story.  I knew it was perfect because no one used it that I knew of since I had been working there.  I WAS ROBBED! (Obviously I was robbed of anymore good excuses, too...)  I lived in a shitty neighborhood and certainly it would be believable.  It totally worked. 

I was only late four hours and got to sleep off my hangover.  I probably could have used it for the whole day.  I think I felt slightly guilty though and probably mulled over karma for a minute or two. My shift manager felt so bad for me.  She even bought my lunch that day when I got to work.  This was a bonus since I had no money to buy food because I was not working from calling off so much. 

 I just wonder if I am the only one who has ever had
 bad no work ethics in their younger days?

They Are All Shmucks - From Birth Until They Move Out

After attending my son's middle school xmas band concert last night and that being at least the 12th xmas band concert that I've had to endure between both my kids, I've come to one conclusion: Those mothers who have older children who go around telling other mothers who have younger children that they should "enjoy the time they have with their precious little ones because they'll miss it later" are just outright psychotic.  Oh please...

I will never miss sitting through "Jingle Bells" by 20 violinists who are all out of tune playing at the speed of zero light.  But this goes much further than just ear-bleeding, middle school band/orchestra concerts.  This comes down to my son coming home yesterday screaming at the top of his lungs that the white shirt I bought him last spring just disappeared off the face of the earth and now two hours before this band concert he has nothing to wear.

Now mind you, I asked him the day before if he had his required black pants and white shirt in which he replied "yes" with confidence.  So I then heavily suggested to him to reconsider his option of looking in his closet that he hasn't cleaned out since he was two.  I also reminded him that white shirts don't just get up and walk away by themselves, although, if I were his white shirt sitting in that closet, I probably would.

So, the little effer stomps out of the room huffing and proceeds to slams his door like I'm the a$$hole here.

Ten minutes pass and the door opens...

"FOUND IT," he yelled.  (mmmm, yeah, I thought so) 

I said, "Don't you think you owe me an apology?"

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For?"  I asked raising my eyebrow.

He half smiled, "For yelling at you?"

"And...," I motioned for him to keep going.

"And for slamming my door," he half laughed.

"And because I'm always...," continuing to make him suffer.

Now being quite irritated with me, he rolled his eyes, "Right." 

"Good.  Glad we had this intelligent conversation," as I rolled my eyes back at him in my much more experienced manner.

And there are mothers out there that will miss this?  I do not miss changing diapers.  I will not miss this age and I haven't missed anything in between.  I am looking forward to the first day of college and beyond when he's old enough to buy me a bottle of wine, have a good job and support me. 

Does that make me a bad mother? (rhetorical)

No one says it, but it's what everyone is thinking...

Random Acts of Cruelness and Happy Thanksgiving

I have no doubt in my mind that there are people that get their rocks off by running around sprinkling their little random acts of kindness in the world.  Yay for them. *disturbing eye roll*  I don't have rocks to get off, so I don't comprehend sprinkling much of anything.  Well, that's not exactly true. (I mean it's true that I don't have any rocks, but not true that I ....)  I do have a kind side at times is what I'm saying.  It highly depends on how much wine I've had.

I remember when I was working my office job many years ago and came back from lunch one day to find a Hersey's Kiss on my desk with a note that read "Just a Random Act of Kindness - Enjoy Your Day".  I was young then... and not so jaded. I remember thinking how nice that was and I probably actually ended up enjoying my day.  How silly is that?

I'm pretty sure if that happened now, my first thought would be who poisoned the chocolate, how did they do it, and why?  Then I would proceed to throw it in the trash.  That's what 20 years of Random Acts of Cruelness will do to a person.  I've seen this played out the most at the grocery store.  I think it's because I've shopped hella times at one over the years.  It's a nightmare every single instance no matter the day, the hour, or my reason for being there.  Everyone at the grocery store is an evil bastard.  The main thing I've learned is that no one gives a f#ck when acquiring groceries.  (yes, myself included) 

So what is my point?  The point is - I am thrilled that for the next three days, I do not have to step foot into a grocery store. My sister and her family are in town for the holiday and staying at my mother's.  My mother LOVES grocery shopping AND she buys Hershey Kisses which I do not believe to be poisoned.  (errrr... I might be skipping those just in case...)  Oh and I also won't have to inhale any tainted pine cones.  Double score!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

This is my mother's "pineapple turkey" centerpiece she's so incredibly proud of.  Good gawd, seriously mom?  If it wasn't for her mad cooking skillz, I don't know if I could handle the next three days.

This shit is so not cool...