Thursday, March 14, 2013

Flying Blueberry Donuts

Last Sunday was an absolute beautiful day in Cleveland (Sunny, High 65F!) but apparently it was for the birds... literally.  Bird migration went a tad crazy the night before when radar caught MILLIONS (yes MILLIONS!) of Red-winged blackbirds, Grackles and American Robins heading back this-a-way!  Why you ask?   Because Cleveland is awesome, that's why!  AND, they have a great place to live here in northeast Ohio -  The Cleveland Metroparks.

This radar image is super cool.  The green line is an actual thunderstorm approaching.  The blue, round circles with the holes in the middle are not blueberry donuts, even though Americans probably would like them to be, but rather the thousands and thousands upon thousands of birds caught in action! 

Neato, huh?

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

It is Difficult Being so Perfect

I am perfect. I am the first to admit it.  It was a difficult process in my life to come to terms with this, but I believe I have finally conquered the little bastard.  It is a rough road  being as perfect as I am.   I do not believe others understand this very well.   I never have 'bad days'.  What are those anyway?  I hear people complain about such things and I merely just frolic in fields of daisies as my perfectly, wonderful, ever-so-happy life progresses.  Do you realise how it is to constantly be in a state of complete happiness ALL of the time?

I never lash out at others.  If I did this, I would not be the perfect person that I am.  And that, my friends, would just be confounded silliness.  I have also NEVER, EVER said stupid things.  This would put a black mark on my perfection.  Again, something a perfect person would never have.

Some might ask if I have ever made a mistake.  Mistakes?  There are no mistakes.  What I have learned from the only other perfect person I know is that when called out on doing something wrong (as if...), one must simply deny, deny, deny.  It's easy.

For example: 

You:  Hey, did you steal my new Garnet Rogers CD?

Me:  No way.

You:  Yes, you did.  I saw you.

Me:  I did not! 

You:  I have video, so you are wrong, brat face!

Me:  I'm NEVER wrong!

You:  The video clearly shows you putting ~MY~ GARNET ROGERS CD in your pocket and running away.

Me:  Don't know what you're talking about.  It was obviously a set-up...

And that's pretty much all there is to it... deny, deny, deny.   Pretty soon everyone will believe that you are NEVER wrong - myself included.

As you can tell, perfection is very difficult for me.  I only wish others could emulate my perfection and have this incredible sense of self-worth and absolute freedom that comes with this state of excellence.

This is not something that can just happen over night.  Perfection takes a long time.  Okay, actually, in my case, it did not really take that long at all.  For me, it was just a few short weeks (after I was born), but for most it will take a long time.  Once you reach it - ahhh, pure bliss. 

Please feel free to submit any questions about my snow-white purity below.  I will surely be able to give you a most perfect answer.

Monday, March 11, 2013

The Giving Keys

As I work my way through school and do research for my classes, I come across some amazing sites and organizations.  One in particular that I really love is called "The Giving Keys".  Caitlin Crosby (an American singer/actress) met a couple who were living on the streets in Hollywood, CA and started paying them to engrave keys with positive one-word messages on them for a kind of PAY IT FORWARD movement to help those in similar homeless situations.

When you buy a key, the money goes to the organization, but here is what I love about it - If you receive the key, you must give it away at some point to someone else you feel needs the message/word that's on it.  The organization also encourages you  to share your story, if you wish, on their website at

Custom words for the keys are also available.

Such a great idea!!!

Their Mission: 
 Spreading Hope & Love through fashion... while making someone's day...

Friday, March 8, 2013

Thank God for Broken Necks

Someone in one of my online classes was telling us a story of how his wife was in a car accident and nearly broke her neck or something.  I was only partly paying attention because my hockey game was on at the same time, so I only caught half the story.  By everyone's reaction to his story, it appeared it was a pretty serious situation.  He went on to say that the doctors had fixed her up real nice and she was feeling much better.  The reactions to this were less than amusing. 

"God works miracles!"

"Thank God!  I'm so glad she's okay!"

"Prayers really work...!"

and my favourite , in which he personally said was,

"God is good!"

Wait, what?  God is good?  Your wife was in a car accident that almost broke her neck and GOD IS GOOD? 

How about those doctors who spent about 12 years studying night after night after night to learn how to fix your wife's almost-broken-neck?  Do they get any thanks?   Are THEY any good?

What if, perhaps, your wife's neck DID break?  Would GOD still be good -OR- would that have just been in his divine plan?   I have a real difficult time understanding how people who have these strong beliefs in their God can so easily overlook doctors and other medical staff who are the true saviours of their loved one's lives.

And I won't even get into why we give thanks to gawd for our food when it's ME who spent the two hours cooking the shit...

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

The Reincarnation of 'Randall Pink Floyd Dobler'!

My son was working on his homework last night and I was on the phone with my daughter when all of a sudden we heard a loud crash/bang in the bathroom.  My son went to investigate and when he looked down the hallway he said, "THERE'S A CAAAAT!"  and all I heard next was a few pitiful "meows".  Well, this might not be so weird to anyone reading this, except we don't own a cat.

Apparently the cat upstairs somehow climbed in the panels between the two showers and then fell through the panel door that leads to my shower.  I despise my neighbors upstairs, but I love cats too much to keep it from its rightful owner.  It was really cute and looked just like my sister's cat "Randall Pink Floyd Dobler" who sadly passed just about 3 years ago.  I thought, "What's Floyd doing here?  Shouldn't he be falling through HER ceiling?"  The reincarnation of FLOYD!  Holy shit!  I wasn't cooking bacon, though, so it couldn't have been him.

Needless to say, it was a very bizarre thing, but certainly makes for a good story.    The cat was unharmed and the stupid ass from upstairs came down and got it.  Apparently 'Sophia' had a bit too much curiosity yesterday.  Hope she learned a lesson.  Next time she falls through my ceiling, I'm keeping her!  She was pretty cute.  Not as cute as Floyd, of course, but cute nonetheless.


Monday, March 4, 2013

Seniors take their Lenten Fish Fries very Seriously

I took my kids to a fish fry last Friday night (I did not eat...) because every year my mother works at her church's fish fry during lent and suggests we come up there to check it out.  My kids wanted to go, so I said okay.  I did not realize how seriously senior citizens take their fish fries.  Holy Jesus - watch out!

There was a long line when we got there and if you do not move up when the line moves, you are given the evil eye directly spawned from the depths of hell.  Yikes.   And, of course, any time I am with my daughter, we can't help but make stupid jokes and tend to be a little silly.  This, in turn, makes us laugh a little louder than seniors apparently approve of on their 'laughter loudness' scale.  I'm only guessing on this from the considerable amount of heavy sighs and more evil eyes pointed in our direction.  Goodness!  These people don't smile!

The food looked okay.  I , however, wouldn't particularly want to eat it, especially after my post the other day about that fuxhianhuiid fossil thing, but for the price my kids seemed pretty satisfied.  As we were leaving and heading out, I was writing a check to pay.   I asked the worker (also a senior) who to make the check out to.  She said, "St. John Neumann" to which I replied, "Do they cash checks in heaven?"   Well, she just glared at me like I was a total dumb ass.  She wasn't laughing.  Come on...  that was freakin' funny!!!

The moral of the story... don't mess with the old folks at fish fries!

Friday, March 1, 2013

Parental Lecture Haiku

your children, they talk

why won’t you listen to them?

it’s never too late

It is with so much sadness that I have to see neglected, medicated, angry and messed up kids in the world.  And it's not even in the world, but just in my own community.  Yet, I know that it IS all over the world. As some may or may not know, what lies behind anger is a deep sense of pain.  And what is causing such pain in our youth?  

Parents need to stop being selfish.  Do they how much it can affect their children when they do the rotten things they do (or don't do)?  They must learn to listen to their kids. Children will tell you exactly what is is they want from you.  You just have to be willing to hear what it is they are saying.  Get yourselves together.  Get yourself help so you can help them.  I want the future generations to be productive, caring, loving people.  It's never too late.

And that's the end of my lecture.  Unfortunately, none of the people who need to read this will read it.  Oh well.   

  And here's a friendly tip for any new parents.
We might as well get off to a good start.