Fuxhianhuiid!

No, I wasn't swearing at you, but I feel like anyone who eats seafood should be cussed out.  A fuxhianhuiid is apparently a newly found fossilzed animal (an arthorpod) that has limbs under its head as well as a nervous system that extends past the head... as if the limbs under the head isn't bad enough.  Oh, and even more exciting, this disgusting under-the-sea creature probably used these limbs to push food into its mouth as it fucked around the bottom of the sea.

Scientists believed these FUX0rs probably evolved from worms with legs.  MMMmm.. sounds like a good plan for tonight's dinner.  I don't get why people eat seafood.  It's disgusting.   GIANT BUGS UNDER THE SEA.  Need I say more?

You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth and you're gonna eat that?

Abstinence is Offensive

I came upon this story on Yahoo today about a middle school girl who was forced (loved that...forced!) to change the t-shirt she was wearing because it was deemed inappropriate.  The t-shirt reads on the backdrop of a stop sign, "Don't drink & park. Accidents cause kids."  She received the t-shirt after attending a "Silver Ring Thing" conference which promotes the (wonderful) message of abstinence before marriage and centering relationships around Jesus Christ himself.  That's really awkward, but... okay.

Hey, I'm not out to bash abstinence.  Wait... yes, I am.  It's a terrible concept.  In short, it doesn't work.  My parents threatened the fires of hell, the guilt of sin, this, that and all the other preachy crap to me and it didn't work.  In fact, if anything, it made me more promiscuous.  Good thinking, folks!

But that's neither here nor there.  Now back to the t-shirt.  Whether or not I agree or disagree with the concept of abstinence and having awkward relationships centered on Jesus Christ, I am trying to decipher if her shirt should have been deemed inappropriate.  The principal says that the t-shirt has a sexual innuendo to it.  Has anyone ever sat in a parking lot of a middle school or high school lately?  Almost every kid that goes into or comes out of one is a walking sexual innuendo.

It would be nice to have dress codes, but rarely do the schools stick to them.  Are these kinds of t-shirts truly distracting to other students?  Do they really take away from the other students' learning process?  The only thing that I am pleased about is that in a state like Florida, it's nice to see that Jesus freaks are being treated fairly.  If an atheist would have to remove a non-Christian t-shirt, then a gawd-fearing peep should have to remove their wacky message as well.  So for that, I say... LYNCH THE GIRL!!!!!!

Morbid Poetry that Rhymes

I would like to tell you a little something about my daughter.  She has always been an extraordinary poet.  She would have assignments for school to write poetry as far back as I can remember (probably middle school)  and could write something within a matter of minutes that would blow her teachers (and me) away.  I would encourage her to write on her own and keep a journal, but she would always say the same thing,  "I don't like writing poetry, Mom".  This was definitely NOT music to my ears; I saw the talent she had and it crushed my motherly soul.

In the last year, my daughter has grown considerably as a person and what an incredible person at that.  She has now started writing poetry on her own.  Jumps for joy!  What I find funny, though, is that she has such an easy time rhyming her poetry and she struggles writing WITHOUT rhyming.  When I write, I struggle to rhyme and rarely do it.  In fact, I think out of the 300 poems I have written only two actually rhyme.  Needless to say, we are opposite on that front.

She has just started a new blog that she will be adding some of her poetry to as well as other posts, so I highly recommend you check it out:

Mollie-Esque

Just to show you that my talents do NOT lie in rhyming poetry, I thought I'd share with you one of my very morbid poems I wrote in 2008. Let's just say that I was not in a happy place.

Dead on a Sunday

swallowing our poison

on the count of three

a romeo and juliet

of echoing pleas

tastes of bittersweet

still guiding me

i am swimming in circles

and drowning at sea

we will die together

in a mystery

dead on a sunday

'twas meant to be

2/28/08

There is no particular reason for this picture.
I just thought it was super cool.

Music that Pumps Your Blood

I do not claim to be any superstar workout queen, but I am trying to get my heart rate up past the 'near death' level during these cold winter months.  I've been trying to slowly add new songs to my playlist when I go do my thing at the rec center.  Don't ask what my thing is, please.

In all seriousness, right now my favourite songs that get my blood pumping are songs by The Black Keys (Gold on the Ceiling, Lonely Boy, I Got Mine..., etc.). I feel like I could run a marathon when I hear those on shuffle.  Also, anything by RHCP gets me, at the very least, to a regular heart rate (for my age).  So, I'm asking to those of you that regularly do some sort of exercise that involves listening to music - what songs help keep you motivated to get blood pumping through your veins?

Please... no dance, pop or any other weird sh#t.  I do love disco though, so naturally The Bee Gees or Diana Ross would be okay.

Snow makes me S.A.D.

My lovely friend, Thea, was the only one to respond to my latest TWEET which was asking to please give me something to write about, so I thought I better take her up on it so she will still love me and know that I actually appreciated her response.  Her idea was the following: "write about the seasonal weather changes and the impact these have on a person and their mood..."

Well, let me tell you all about it, Miss Thea.

I've lived in northeast Ohio pretty much my whole life minus the year and a half I lived in Texas (which was a nightmare and could be a whole blog post in itself), so one might come to the conclusion that I might be used to the snow, cold, ice and temperature change and "seasonal weather" as you called it.  In a way, I guess that I am and in other ways, not so much.

For instance, two winters ago I was cleaning off my car with the snowbrush and as I went behind the car to get the other side, I went down.  Yep, I sure did.  Again, as I stated earlier, I've lived here pretty much my whole life and one would think I would know how to handle the ice in the winter, but noooooooooo...  I landed right on my wrist and sprained it pretty badly.  Can we say "DUMB ASS"?  (rhetorical)

This does not put one in a good mood.  No, it doesn't.  It puts one in a really sh#tty mood, especially when one has to go to class and take a two-hour math exam, then has to go sit in the ER for another two hours to get an X-RAY for the wrist they fell onto while waiting among other dumb asses that also fell on the ice.  Yeah, not so good for the mood.

It is also merely impossible to go anywhere, get exercise (unless you have some sort of gym / recreation membership) or do anything but sit on your arse.  Even if you DO have a membership to one of these places, who the hell feels like going?  You know why you don't feel like going?  It's because it just snowed like 2983729384 inches and your car is covered in this white bullsh*t and you have to go clean it off before you would even be able to drive to the gym to exercise.  And by the time you would even complete this task, it would be dark outside because it gets dark by 2pm this time of year.  Of course, all of this depends on if you can even get your car door open in the first place because it's probably frozen shut.  Umm, yeah.  Good times!

And that's just winter.

Spring is no better... at least not early spring... at least not here.  It is constant rain and cold and occasional snow.  Believe it or not, I much prefer snow than the cold rain of spring.

Summer is sweltering.  Hot, humid and ridiculous.  And again, you are stuck inside because it's too hot to do anything.  The last two summers I know we had temperatures in the 90s for over two weeks straight.  My hair denounces such things!  Not a pretty sight.  Does the name Medusa mean anything to you?  I hate being in the A/C all the time.  I love the fresh air, but I can't have any of that in the summer here.

Autumn is my favourite of all the seasons.  It is the one season where I actually feel my best.  I can wear shorts and t-shirts in the daytime and jeans and a light jacket at night. (and it's the start of HOCKEY season... HELLO...!)  However, it just seems that autumn lasts for a very few short weeks, if that.  Lately, it seems that we go from summer straight to winter.  Boo!  The fall foliage is incredibly amazing and probably the one main reason I would never move. 

Global warming has been good for northeast Ohio (har har).  Last winter we had one of the mildest winters.  We had very little snow and the temperatures were pretty tolerable.  I didn't seem too depressed or down.  (WHAT?  Call Guinness!)  We haven't gotten off so easily this winter.  It's snowing again right now.  When it's month after month after month of it, it tends to wear on you...  S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) is definitely a real thing.  If we get one of those rare days during the winter (where it hits in the 50s), people's moods are seriously whacked out.  You might be driving through the parks and see people on motorcycles or in convertibles with the tops down.  You'll see people in shorts, smiling and happy.  You must understand that people smiling and happy is highly abnormal behavior around here at any time of the year, but especially in winter.

So, in answer to your question, Thea...  yes, the weather and seasons affect moods.  Now shut the f#ck up and let me go back to sleep under my warm blankie.  :D

Besides the '70s, it is the '90s that I Truly Love

I was driving in my car yesterday and heard the song "Inside Out" by Eve 6 (1998) and then immediately after I heard "Cherub Rock" by The Smashing Pumpkins (1993).   I thought to myself, damn... I really loved the '90s...  

Anyone who knows me, knows that the '70s has always be my favourite decade for music, but now that Cleveland has this new radio station that's been playing a lot of these '90s songs, I am remembering some really great times and even better songs.  And actually, now that I think about it, I really just loved everything about the '90s.  I had my few WILD years (we won't go there in this post), I had both of my kids in the '90s, I loved all of the music, some of my favourite movies came out then (Dances with Wolves, American Beauty, The Last of the Mohicans, American History X), some of my favourite TV shows (Beverly Hills 90210, Melrose Place, Party of Five - just shhhhhhh!) some SERIOUSLY kick-ass music (okay, that was an '80s saying, but think Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden.... they were/are seriously kick-ass), I had such good times with an old group of friends; I did a lot of growing and changing in that decade.

I might be a traitor at this point; the '90s just might be my favourite decade now. 

I was trying to think of the one song that would represent the '90s and it always comes back to "Smells Like Teen Spirit" for everyone else, but for me I think it will always have to be "Man In The Box" by Alice In Chains.  I was stunned when I heard that song for the first time.  I received "Facelift" for my 21st birthday and will always remember the shocking feeling I had after listening to it.  I couldn't believe how good they were and how their sound was so different than anything I had ever heard before.  I loved EVERY single song on that album and it is still in my top 10 of all time.

Now I shall leave you with that great song. 

RIP Layne