The fear of abandonment and losing all that we have known and loved whether these feelings are 'real or imagined' is quite the mental mind-game. I believe I wrote a poem titled "real or imagined" relating to this very issue as I was once told I do something quite similar to this often. Thinking on that more, this poem was written a VERY long time ago. Sad. I still am playing a one-person mind-game.
Or... is it possible that the fear is of pain and hurt, whether physical or mental -OR- physical FROM the mental. Either way it IS pain and no one really wants that. However, this still goes back to abandonment, right?
Or... is it possible that the fear comes from the fact that there is a long history and track record that, quite frankly, is just not good. This seems pretty damn logical, and even though it is still considered completely irrational to some, in one's mind, it is 100% rational, logical and worthy of believing. Perception is one's reality. That's the bottom line, is it not? But again, this goes back to abandonment, right?
Anger, Sadness, Fear... they all seem to twist and smash and mangle themselves together and eventually suffocate a once semi-thriving human being. It is the breaking of these things apart that must be accomplished before anything prolific can happen. Still, these things are like twisted metal, two cars in a head-on collision, where the 'jaws of life' need to be called in to cut, spread and separate these demons to free the human spirit. The only question is, just how in the hell how do you acquire that tool?
This is a laugh riot! Thanks for making my day!
ReplyDeleteI think we all fear death, or dying under the most painful of conditions. That's why we hang on to life, and preserve it in others who we care for. That's a given, so there's no jaws of death that can extract it. And we all die, no one has escaped that fate, so we all have at least one fear.
All other fears are self-made. There isn't anything that cannot be made at least less fearful. That's the glass half full. The half-empty is that we consciously or sub-consciously self-fulfill our worst expectations. And the longer we dwell on fear, the worse it gets.
There are some things that we have to fear for survival. You don't lie in a bed of rattlers and think you'll be just fine, you avoid it. You don't stand on a balcony on the 100th floor and think you can fly, you just don't jump. You don't fast for a year to improve your body image, because you soon won't have a body to imagine. That's all a genetic flight or fight mechanism, once again for survival. That's what our rational brains instinctively direct us.
The irrational is what sends most people to see psychiatrists, all those death-defying, look at me I can do anything I want, I'm indestructible, feelings. There's no doubt some of us are more vulnerable than others, whether it's something that's happened to us or something we were born with or without. It's only those who know they have fears and phobias and life-paralyzing syndromes who remain irrational, who say they can conquer these fears by ignoring them, who feel helpless and alone. That's why I say these wounds are self-inflicted, because I've been to hell and almost back (still have the burn marks because it IS hot down there), and survived to be able to tell you that real or imagined, sad or happy, demons or angels, however you want to see it, it's at least worthwhile to try. People can opt out, but they become lesser persons and eventually contribute less to themselves, their families, communities or humankind. And we're all in this together, believe me. If we don't look after our environment, inside or outside, we'll all perish.
So thanks for this happy little post, I'm sure you've made not only my day but everyone else's, including yourself. Good fucking job ;)
Thus endeth the lesson...guess Dad was right, I should have been a minister LOL <---funniest thing I've said forever.
thank you peter, that was wonderful and you've turned my life around... or something like that.
Deletein all seriousness now, i appreciate everything you have said here and don't think it was ministery-lecture-y-like but rather heartfelt, which i truly appreciate. i'm not sure where all those thoughts came from on my end. i certainly wasn't trying to be a downer, but i guess it sounded pretty pitiful although i don't believe i was looking for pity. i think i was more or less just thinking about things, current things, and trying to figure out where they were stemming from.
you "DIG"?
:)
thanks again for your always most thoughtful and insightful views. it is obvious to me that you have experienced life in every which way and have been up to the plate many times and have been thrown all the curve balls. looks like you missed quite a few and hit quite a few, kinda like your joey. ;0
hugs to you!
THIS IS SO MUCH BS...LEAVE MY JOEY ALONE AND JUST THROW FASTBALLS YOU FRIGGIN CHICKENFARTS. guess i got a bit excited, my BJs suck so bad(ly). when life throws you curve balls, show it to the ump for spittle. you might get tossed out, but again you might get tossed salad. heh
ReplyDeletep.s. you ARE the pits ;)
lick my pits, baby, lick my pits.
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