It is Difficult Being so Perfect

I am perfect. I am the first to admit it.  It was a difficult process in my life to come to terms with this, but I believe I have finally conquered the little bastard.  It is a rough road  being as perfect as I am.   I do not believe others understand this very well.   I never have 'bad days'.  What are those anyway?  I hear people complain about such things and I merely just frolic in fields of daisies as my perfectly, wonderful, ever-so-happy life progresses.  Do you realise how it is to constantly be in a state of complete happiness ALL of the time?

I never lash out at others.  If I did this, I would not be the perfect person that I am.  And that, my friends, would just be confounded silliness.  I have also NEVER, EVER said stupid things.  This would put a black mark on my perfection.  Again, something a perfect person would never have.

Some might ask if I have ever made a mistake.  Mistakes?  There are no mistakes.  What I have learned from the only other perfect person I know is that when called out on doing something wrong (as if...), one must simply deny, deny, deny.  It's easy.

For example: 
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You:  Hey, did you steal my new Garnet Rogers CD?

Me:  No way.

You:  Yes, you did.  I saw you.

Me:  I did not! 

You:  I have video, so you are wrong, brat face!

Me:  I'm NEVER wrong!

You:  The video clearly shows you putting ~MY~ GARNET ROGERS CD in your pocket and running away.

Me:  Don't know what you're talking about.  It was obviously a set-up...
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And that's pretty much all there is to it... deny, deny, deny.   Pretty soon everyone will believe that you are NEVER wrong - myself included.

As you can tell, perfection is very difficult for me.  I only wish others could emulate my perfection and have this incredible sense of self-worth and absolute freedom that comes with this state of excellence.

This is not something that can just happen over night.  Perfection takes a long time.  Okay, actually, in my case, it did not really take that long at all.  For me, it was just a few short weeks (after I was born), but for most it will take a long time.  Once you reach it - ahhh, pure bliss. 

Please feel free to submit any questions about my snow-white purity below.  I will surely be able to give you a most perfect answer.